Today, I’d like to speak to you about friendship, particularly in relationship to the kind of friendship that Jesus speaks about with his disciples as outlined in today’s gospel passage from John. But first, I want to tell you a little story....
This past weekend I took a whirlwind trip to Connecticut to attend a surprise 50th birthday party for a long time friend of mine who I’ve known since high school. My friend Kim and I have been friends since 1976 and our friendship has now spanned over thirty five years. Kim is the kind of person that nearly everyone loves being around; she’s positive, engaging, outgoing, sincere, she loves life, she’s devoted to her husband and daughters, and she has an incredibly giving soul.
Throughout these thirty five years of friendship, our lives of course, have taken different paths and for a time we did fall out of touch. But about five years ago when I was again living full-time back in Connecticut, Kim and I did reconnect.....just as she was facing the greatest challenge of her life: breast cancer. After I heard the news of Kim’s cancer, I remember the day that I visited Kim at her home not really knowing what to expect. As I rang the doorbell, Kim met me at the door with a huge smile on her face and with outstretched arms she welcomed me back into her life. With her ever positive approach and her “glass is half full” mentality Kim told me she was going to beat that cancer. And beat it she did.
Even before she was diagnosed with breast cancer, Kim was already an active pastoral care volunteer on the oncology floor at St. Raphael’s Hospital in New Haven. Ironically, since contracting the disease herself, Kim had now had become the patient instead of a volunteering caregiver. But, Kim didn’t allow her cancer to stop her from reaching out to others. Since that time, Kim has spearheaded a “Never Give Up” hope program for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy at St. Raphael’s. She also helps to sponsor a cancer survivor’s fashion show whose proceeds support breast cancer awareness and early detection. It was during my ministry at St. James’ Church in Glastonbury, when I was once contacted by a woman who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer herself. Knowing that I (as a man) couldn’t begin to understand what she was going through as a woman, I called Kim to see if she’d be willing to reach out and help. Of course she would. And of course she did. And then, when my own mother was dying from cancer, it was Kim who reached out in friendship, compassion, and in love by supporting me and my family throughout that difficult ordeal.
On this Mother’s Day in the year 2012, I share this story with you not because Kim is a saint and not because she’s perfect but because the ministry of love that Kim extends to both friends and other cancer patients, is precisely the kind of loving action that Jesus asks from us when we are bold enough to call ourselves Jesus’ friends.
Today’s passage from John’s gospel is one of my favorites because it has special meaning for me and because it is so incredibly personal and intimate. In this passage, Jesus plainly tells his disciples that he chooses to no longer call them servants, but instead, he will call them his friends. Knowing that he would soon be leaving this world for good, Jesus reached out in personal intimacy by expressing to his friends his confidence in them that they already knew everything they would need to continue carrying out his ministries. And that by the fact that they’d be acting on Jesus’ behalf through the continuation of his ministries they would continue to abide in a holy friendship with Jesus as He would abide with them.
“You did not choose me” Jesus said, “but I choose you to be my friends” If we think about that statement for a moment and embrace the realization that Jesus has also chosen us individually to be his personal friends it is a bit awe inspiring and humbling isn’t it? In some ways, it calls to mind the story from Mark’s gospel when someone in the crowd said to Jesus, “Rabbi, your mother and your brothers and sisters and your friends are outside asking for you.” And after taking a few moments and looking around at the crowd Jesus replied, “Here are my mother and my brothers and sisters, for whoever does the will of God is my friend, and brother and sister and mother.”
To explore this theme of friendship with Jesus a bit more fully, I found some interesting information about friendship with Jesus that I’d like to share with you. According to Glenn W. Miller, the creator of a website entitled “The Christian Think Tank”, Miller suggests that the ways in which Jesus cultivated relationships among his circle of friends is truly a healthy model for all us to consider even today. Miller maintains that Jesus modeled what healthy friendships and healthy relationships are all about; namely openness, honesty, acceptance, the spending quality time together, and the acts of praying for one another. Miller cites the following examples of Jesus’ actions in friendship for our thoughts and for our consideration today:
First, as a friend, Jesus frequently shared his inner thoughts and personal opinions openly, honestly, and directly. In his friendships and in his relationships with other people Jesus was also quite candid as he openly expressed both his frustrations and his affections for his friends. He was an open book, he did not shy from controversy, and his friends knew exactly where he stood on any given topic.
In friendship, Jesus also chose to share both the mundane and the important moments of his life with his friends for Jesus was a relational person. All four gospels clearly state the truth that Jesus celebrated life with his friends, he worked closely with them in ministry, he wept with them in times of sorrow, and he was concerned about his friends peace of mind and their personal well-being. In other words, Jesus fully engaged. One particular example of Jesus’ desire to share the meaningful moments of his life with his friends was his decision to share his final meal with all of his friends, even the one friend who would ultimately betray him. Through this story, we are reminded that Jesus was able to accept in all his friends what most of us would probably never be able to accept in many of ours.
For in friendship, Jesus didn’t allow his friends failures or their shortcomings to affect his own personal acceptance of them. He accepted his friends - warts and all - just as they were for who they were. And even when he knew they might fail, Jesus still took a personal risk by asking for their support even when he knew that betrayal and disappointment could ultimately be the outcome.
And finally, as a true spiritual friend, Jesus prayed for his friends by asking God to guide, inform, and protect them throughout all of their lives. Jesus’ love for his friends went beyond an earthly friendship for he wanted the very best for them by asking for God’s guidance to physically, spiritually, and emotionally nurture them throughout all of their lives.
As friends of Jesus, we can follow his model of healthy friendship by spending quality time with our families and our friends, by being open and honest to the best of our ability, by reaching out and caring for one another, by speaking the truth in love, by praying to God for all of God’s people, and by accepting ourselves, our families, and our friends for who they are - warts and all!
On this Mother’s Day, 2012, when we give thanks to God for all mothers and for all women, let’s also to give thanks to God
- for Jesus who is our personal friend,
- for all our chosen earthly friends
- for all our biological families extended families of choice.
- and for all relationships that enhance and bring joy to these our earthly lives.
For all of these people and all of these connections of love represent the divine gift of personal relationship that we lift, honor, and celebrate today. On this Mother’s Day, we give thanks to God for all of our mother’s and on this day we especially give thanks to God for Jesus - our mother, brother, sister, and friend who seeks us out and chooses to call us friend too.
In thanksgiving for the life-giving friendship we have in Jesus and in all our friends we give to God our thanks and praise!
Amen.
Easter 6 May 13, 2012
Acts 10:44-48
Psalm 98
1 John 5:1-6
John 15:9-17
Do you have a favorite place at Christ Church? Why not tell us about it? Diane Holland is working on the next issue of our newsletter, The Chronicle, whose theme will be Favorite Spaces. She is gathering short articles from parishioners on places inside and outside the church that have special significance. Send your thoughts -- it can be a sentence, a paragraph, or a half-page -- to
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by Sunday, June 20th.
